if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
