"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
