I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
