i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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