god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
