i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
