There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
