I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
