He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
