What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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