I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
