It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My penis needs a shock collar
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
