I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
