a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Come back. Shots need mouths.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Randomize
