Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
