she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
