I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize