You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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