just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
tell me about the eggs
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize