some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
