My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
