the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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