I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
