the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
She just used a chaser for red wine.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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