Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
