I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
