Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
