can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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