i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
