Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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