Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
