I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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