i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
