I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
