Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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