Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm like, not good at living.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
