Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
