you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
