my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
