Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize