I think I won the penis lottery.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
