She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
