i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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