I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
