I look better un-naked...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
