home. puking in laundry basket.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
