Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
