Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
