Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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