dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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