3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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