it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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