The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
