I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize