You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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