At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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