honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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