the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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