Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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