Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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