I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
