He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
