We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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