well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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