my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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