i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
