if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
