Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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