I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
