i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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