my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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